Highs and Lows
07/05/09 16:07
Can we blame it all on women’s hormones?
Do your moods seem to change through each month? Are you one day feeling like your life is great and you are so lucky, then the next wondering what you are doing? Thinking those immortal words ‘There must be more to life that this’. Or am I unique in this? After I finished work the weather wasn’t great, in fact it was damn cold and miserable, especially considering it was May. I wished for the sunshine so I could try and make my body look better with a bit of colour. Despite this I was new to being at home all day, sometimes being a mum, and sometimes trying to learn some new skills with the hope of setting up a new business. I was energized with all the things I was going to do. I planned to spend some time playing my saxophone, which had now been given a new lease of life as pride of place in the lounge. I was going to get fitter, become a better cook, and sort out all those jobs around the house that I previously never had time for. However the time just flew by and although I managed to do some of these things, I didn’t have as much time on my own each day to fit everything in. Overall I was happy, and loving it.
Since then the weather has picked up and got hotter and sunnier than it has been for a long time. Am I even happier then? No of course not that would be far too simple! I’ve found particularly over the last few days that I’m getting increasingly fed up. Yes the weather is nice but there is a limit to how much sunbathing you can do (For those beach worshippers, honest there is!). It’s different when you’re on holiday and you just sit there reading a book. It is for a finite time and you know you only have limited time to enjoy the rest, peace and quiet. When the days have no finite end, (other than the end of summer!), and you can read as much as you like you tend to want something more meaningful and constructive to do (or is this just me again?). I know I’ve got loads I should be doing – this is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all, but when I start feeling down it’s hard to focus on anything. I have to try a few things and see which one pulls me out of the doldrums. The trouble is I don’t know if this is just one of those monthly dips or if I’m starting to think being at home is not right for me.
The other trouble is who to speak to about it. I don’t think men (at least not my other half) suffer the same mood dips. So when you say to them that you are fed up, that you don’t know what to do with yourself, that you’re feeling isolated, etc, etc. They can only come up with logical sensible suggestions like go back to work then. Which is all well and good but I don’t know if I’m ready to yet, or if it is just a glitch. You see they take everything too literal. Just because I’m fed up at home today, doesn’t mean I won’t love it tomorrow, (or let’s face it within the next hour, if I find something good to do!). They also remember everything you say for some time, (except when you want them to of course!). So I have to watch I don’t say something that will haunt me later. Speak to another woman then you say. Yes but who? My friends and sisters who are all at work, and would probably love the chance to do what I am doing, are not likely to be too sympathetic. Especially seeing as when I’ve spoken to them, (on good days) they can see the Cheshire cat grin on my nicely tanned face. My mum? Who hasn’t worked since she started her family, and who never really felt any desire to succeed in an office environment. She would probably say ‘well it’s your choice love, you need to decide what you want to do’. She’s right of course but am I at that point yet? After all everybody who works has bad days as well. Who hasn’t gone into work one morning feeling all grumpy and getting narked by the slightest comments and actions of those around them? Who hasn’t wished on day one that they could quit work, to get another job, or just ‘have a career break’? Isn’t it this that got me here in the first place?
There are lots of people in this world who have a far worse time than me right now. So why do I still get miserable and moody when I have so much? Human nature I suppose. Maybe I need to look into doing some voluntary work to help those less able than myself and then I may appreciate what I have more. Or maybe I should just put today’s mood down to that age old excuse of time of the month and get on with doing some work, or pound out my mood on the treadmill, and kill two birds with one stone. I also think I should read this next time I’m feeling happy, and feeling low, and see how much I can laugh at myself! I’ll let you know how I get on!
Since then the weather has picked up and got hotter and sunnier than it has been for a long time. Am I even happier then? No of course not that would be far too simple! I’ve found particularly over the last few days that I’m getting increasingly fed up. Yes the weather is nice but there is a limit to how much sunbathing you can do (For those beach worshippers, honest there is!). It’s different when you’re on holiday and you just sit there reading a book. It is for a finite time and you know you only have limited time to enjoy the rest, peace and quiet. When the days have no finite end, (other than the end of summer!), and you can read as much as you like you tend to want something more meaningful and constructive to do (or is this just me again?). I know I’ve got loads I should be doing – this is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all, but when I start feeling down it’s hard to focus on anything. I have to try a few things and see which one pulls me out of the doldrums. The trouble is I don’t know if this is just one of those monthly dips or if I’m starting to think being at home is not right for me.
The other trouble is who to speak to about it. I don’t think men (at least not my other half) suffer the same mood dips. So when you say to them that you are fed up, that you don’t know what to do with yourself, that you’re feeling isolated, etc, etc. They can only come up with logical sensible suggestions like go back to work then. Which is all well and good but I don’t know if I’m ready to yet, or if it is just a glitch. You see they take everything too literal. Just because I’m fed up at home today, doesn’t mean I won’t love it tomorrow, (or let’s face it within the next hour, if I find something good to do!). They also remember everything you say for some time, (except when you want them to of course!). So I have to watch I don’t say something that will haunt me later. Speak to another woman then you say. Yes but who? My friends and sisters who are all at work, and would probably love the chance to do what I am doing, are not likely to be too sympathetic. Especially seeing as when I’ve spoken to them, (on good days) they can see the Cheshire cat grin on my nicely tanned face. My mum? Who hasn’t worked since she started her family, and who never really felt any desire to succeed in an office environment. She would probably say ‘well it’s your choice love, you need to decide what you want to do’. She’s right of course but am I at that point yet? After all everybody who works has bad days as well. Who hasn’t gone into work one morning feeling all grumpy and getting narked by the slightest comments and actions of those around them? Who hasn’t wished on day one that they could quit work, to get another job, or just ‘have a career break’? Isn’t it this that got me here in the first place?
There are lots of people in this world who have a far worse time than me right now. So why do I still get miserable and moody when I have so much? Human nature I suppose. Maybe I need to look into doing some voluntary work to help those less able than myself and then I may appreciate what I have more. Or maybe I should just put today’s mood down to that age old excuse of time of the month and get on with doing some work, or pound out my mood on the treadmill, and kill two birds with one stone. I also think I should read this next time I’m feeling happy, and feeling low, and see how much I can laugh at myself! I’ll let you know how I get on!
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